


Paranoia and Guilt

by Lieutenant_Romanoff



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Blackwatch Era, Blackwatch Jesse McCree, Blackwatch Reaper | Gabriel Reyes, BlackwatchWeek, Eventual Smut, Jesse is in his 20s, M/M, first time writing proper smut, mcreyes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 19:02:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11629899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieutenant_Romanoff/pseuds/Lieutenant_Romanoff
Summary: Jesse knows he's being stupid. His thoughts are dumb and irrational and almost certainly wrong. And yet he can't help but feel as though Gabriel regrets dating him and he can't shake that feeling away.





	Paranoia and Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> Blackwatch Week Day 5- Regrets/Guilt
> 
> Was this an excuse to write some smut? Maybe, maybe it was. Perhaps it makes up for yesterday's painful angst...

The niggling feeling inside of Jesse had been growing for some weeks now. It was almost certainly irrational and stupid and yet he just couldn’t push the thought out of his head.

 

It had started when Gabriel had text Jesse one evening saying he wasn’t going to be able to make their date that night since he had other arrangements with Jack and Ana. Jesse had sighed in a resigned way before reminding himself being the commander of a major operation meant that his boyfriend would often be busy with important meetings and other such boring things.

 

**From: Jesse [9:24]**

Its ok, hope its not an emergency xx

 

**From: Gabe [9:25]**

No need to worry, it’s not even a formal thing

 

Jesse frowned at that. That’s the kind of meeting he expected from Ana but meetings with Jack were almost always a highly professional affair.

 

**From: Jesse [9:26]**

What do u mean? xx

 

**From: Gabe [9:28]**

Basically Ana and Jack have been moaning that I’ve not been spending any time with them. I had to agree to hang out.

 

**From: Jesse [9:29]**

Oh. Didn’t u tell them we had plans? Xx

**From: Gabe [9:32]**

Sorry, they don’t know about us yet. I’ll tell them soon x

 

Jesse huffed and threw his phone back onto his bed. Had Gabriel really not told Jack and Ana that the pair were dating? He could maybe understand the reluctance to tell Ana since she would almost certainly tell the entirety of Overwatch but Jack was Gabriel’s best friend, he would at least expect him to know about them. Jesse had told Genji mere hours after Gabriel had officially asked to date the cowboy and although Gabriel wasn’t as open as Jesse was, after a couple of weeks of dating he would’ve expected him to tell his best friend.

 

Jesse flopped himself backwards onto his bed and pulled up a video on his phone. Overthinking this whole situation really wasn’t helping. He was sure Gabriel had his own reasons for not having told anyone about them yet and Jesse cared about him enough to respect that. The best thing for him to do was just to distract himself with some of those dumb meme videos Reinhardt kept sending him and not worry about his boyfriend.

 

It did really suck that their dinner plans had been ruined though. Looks like it was another night of eating Genji’s stolen ramen for him.

 

***

 

If that had been the only incident, maybe Jesse would have been able to let it slide and forget about it all. Unfortunately, similar situations kept springing up for the next couple of weeks which did nothing but add to Jesse’s concerns.

 

When Gabriel brought Jesse to Jack’s office for a mission debrief, Jack frowned at the younger man.

 

“What are you doing here, Jesse? Paperwork really isn’t your thing.” Jesse let out a chuckle. Yep, that was certainly true. But before he could open his mouth to reply, Gabriel cut him off.

 

“Just here for moral support, I need it when you’re about to yell at me, Jackie.” Gabe joked and Jack just rolled his eyes in response. Gabriel took a seat at Jack’s desk and the pair began working on the necessary paperwork that came with running a worldwide organisation.

 

Jesse just stared at Gabriel in confusion. Surely if Gabriel had been looking for an opportunity to tell Jack about his and Jesse’s relationship that had been it right there. And if Jack had already known about their relationship he wouldn’t have questioned Jesse’s presence so clearly that wasn’t the case either. Was Gabriel… avoiding telling people about their relationship? Jesse shook the thought away, no that wouldn’t be the case, it must be something else.

 

A couple of days later, Jesse and Gabriel had been sat in the empty mess hall at some ridiculous time in the morning after getting back from a mission. They had just finished their food but neither of them could bring themselves to move from their comfortable position. Jesse had his head resting gently on Gabriel’s shoulder and Gabriel’s chin was atop Jesse’s messy mop of hair. The position was relaxing and Jesse felt himself slowly drifting away as his boyfriend tapped gently on his phone in a rhythmic manner.

 

As his eyes drifted shut, Jesse caught sight of Ana walking into the mess room. She grinned when she saw the pair of them sat at the table.

 

“Good morning, boys.”

 

At the sound of her voice, Jesse felt his head drop heavily off Gabriel’s shoulder and thud against the table in front of him. Jesse glared up at Gabriel to find the man staring at Ana with wide eyes, quickly shuffling his body away from Jesse’s. The younger man narrowed his eyes slightly.

 

“Er- good- good morning, Ana!” Gabriel stuttered out eventually and Ana merely raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“What are you two doing in here?” She asked as she walked towards the kitchen area, probably to make herself a cup of tea.

 

“Nothing. Nothing. We, er, just got back from a mission. Just grabbed some food.” Jesse continued to stare at Gabriel. Was he really stumbling over his words like this? What the hell was wrong with him?

 

“Jesse seemed real comfy there, huh?” Ana said, glancing back at them with a slight smirk.

“Oh, yeah. Long mission, real exhausting. Should probably be getting to bed really, isn’t that right, kid?” Gabriel turned to look at Jesse who merely blinked back at him. Kid? What the hell? Gabriel didn’t call Jesse ‘kid’. Nobody called the person they were dating ‘kid’. What was up with him?

 

Before Jesse had the chance to respond, perhaps argue with Gabriel or voice some kind of annoyance at being called a damn kid, the older man grabbed him by the arm and with a short call of ‘goodnight Ana’ dragged Jesse out of the room.

 

This was really starting to get to Jesse. Gabriel had missed three opportunities to tell his friends about his and Jesse’s relationship and now he was calling Jesse a kid. This wasn’t the normal behaviour of a boyfriend and it was starting to genuinely bother the cowboy. Jesse allowed himself to be dragged along by Gabriel and resolved to bring this up with his lover in the morning. He was far too tired to handle it now and after all he was sure it wasn’t anything anyway, he was almost certainly just being irrational.

 

“Here we are.” Jesse shook himself out of his thoughts and looked around. This didn’t look like the commander’s quarters. In fact it looked a lot like the agent dormitories. Wait, that’s exactly what it was. Gabriel put the code into Jesse’s door and gently shook the younger man.

 

“Come on, Jesse. Time for sleep.”

 

“Why- why am I at the dorms?” Jesse frowned.

 

“Oh it’s just after seeing Ana I thought maybe it’s best we go to our separate roo-”

 

That was it. Now Jesse knew something was up. And did Jesse McCree deal with his problems and worries head on like a strong man? Like hell he did. Instead he responded in the only way he knew how; cover your problems with anger and rage and hiding in your room like a teenage boy.

 

He yanked himself out of Gabriel’s grip, much to the older man’s shock and walked into his room. Gabriel blinked at him, mouth slightly open as Jesse glared at him.

 

“Sure. Whatever. Night, _commander._ ” And with that, he slammed the door behind him. See how Gabriel liked that.

 

However, as Jesse threw himself onto his bed and listened to Gabriel’s heavy footsteps getting further and further away he realised that maybe he was the one who was suffering. It had been a while since he’d slept alone and leaving his boyfriend on such a crappy note made him feel awful. He tossed and turned, he thought about texting Gabriel but then thought better of it, he thought about texting Genji but didn’t want to disturb his friend at this hour, he thought about watching some of Angela’s funny cat videos but he felt too down to even look at cute cats.

 

Eventually Jesse managed to fall asleep, face streaked with tears and his body cold without the familiar embrace of strong arms around him.

 

***

 

Jesse awoke some hours later to the sound of knocking on his door. He groaned as he dragged his legs out from the warmth of the covers and shuffled towards his door. He yanked it open, eyes blearily adjusting to the bright light outside. Standing outside was Gabriel Reyes, a mug of coffee in one hand and a plate of pancakes in the other. Jesse sighed.

“I swear if you weren’t holding food right now I’d slam the door on you so hard.”

 

“I figured as much.” Gabriel said and with that he gestured at the door. “Mind if I…?”

 

Jesse huffed but the plate of pancakes looked too enticing to resist so he stepped to one side and motioned for Gabriel to enter. As Gabriel crossed the threshold, Jesse closed the door behind him, perhaps with slightly more force than necessary.

 

“So-”

 

“Pancakes. Coffee.” Jesse interrupted. Gabriel blinked at him for a moment before wordlessly handing over the food to the younger man who grabbed it and almost immediately started shovelling pancakes into his mouth along with mouthfuls of coffee. Gabriel perched himself on Jesse’s bed and shuffled his legs uncomfortably. Thankfully the man didn’t attempt to say anything until the plate was empty and the mug contained only the last dredges of coffee. It was only then that Gabriel cleared his throat and Jesse turned to face him.

 

“So I think we have a lot to talk about.” Jesse scoffed at that.

 

“You think? Yeah sure, how about we start with the fact that you regret dating me, huh?”

 

“What?” Gabriel all but yelled. “What the hell makes you think that?”

 

“I dunno, Gabe, maybe something to do with the fact that none of your friends know we’re dating and the fact that you called me a kid yesterday.” Jesse retorted, his arms crossed across his chest, glaring down at Gabriel.

 

“Oh shit, that’s what this is about.” Gabriel suddenly looked incredibly guilty and he put his head in his hands.

 

“Yeah, that’s what this is about.”

 

“Jesse, I’m so sorry.” Jesse was taken aback. It wasn’t like Gabriel to apologise that quickly, the man was always adamant that he was in the right and had nothing to apologise for.

 

“W-what?” Jesse deflated all at once, the rage and fear that had been building up inside him for the past few weeks pouring out of him all at once. He gently sat down next to Gabriel on his bed and took his boyfriend’s hand in his own. Gabriel laced his fingers with Jesse’s own and let out a deep sigh.

 

“I’m so sorry if I made you feel like I regret dating you, Jesse. I promise you that isn’t the case. I just-” Gabriel trailed off and Jesse rubbed reassuring circles into Gabriel’s hand.

 

“What is it, Gabe?”

 

“I just- I’m scared, okay?” Jesse blinked at him.

 

“Scared?”

 

“Yes, scared. I know it sounds dumb but I’m scared about what Ana and Jack might say about us dating. Not everyone thinks the commander and agent relationship is okay.” Gabriel sounded so resigned that Jesse could practically feel his heart break at the tone.

 

“Gabe, they’re your friends, they only wanna see you happy. And if they don’t like it then they can stick it.” Gabriel snorted at that and Jesse beamed at the sound.

 

“I know you’re right but god my dumb irrational self won’t let me believe that.” Gabriel muttered, seemingly annoyed at himself. Jesse leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the side of his lover’s face.

 

“If we’re talking about irrational thoughts how about we talk about the fact that my dumb ass thought you regretted dating me just because you wouldn’t tell your friends about us.” Jesse sighed, realising just how dumb his actions of the last day were.

 

“You’re not dumb Jesse, I should’ve told you sooner. I’m just…”

 

“Not good with emotions? Yeah, I know that, Gabe.” Jesse said with a grin.

 

“Shut it, I’m trying to be open with you right now and you’re ruining it!” Gabriel returned his smile.

 

“Seriously though, Gabe. You tell your friends any time you want, don’t let me rush you.”

 

“No you’re right, I should just tell them. I’m sorry for making you so upset, Jesse.” Gabriel turned around and pushed his lips heavily onto Jesse’s. Jesse quickly returned the kiss with a similar level of passion and soon Jesse found himself pushed backwards on the bed so that Gabriel was laying on top of him. He grinned up at the man.

 

“Hmm, I think you’re forgiven…”  He murmured, mouth once again seeking out Gabriel’s for another passionate kiss. Gabriel broke away after a moment with a sly grin on his face.

 

“Actually, I think there’s another way I can apologise. It would really help me ease my guilt at this whole situation.” Gabe practically purred and god if that didn’t go straight to Jesse’s dick. Jesse pulled his lover down for another heated kiss. Shortly after, Gabriel pulled away with a look of disgust on his face.

 

“For the record, your breath fucking stinks.” Jesse laughed at that.

 

“Well maybe then you should try kissing somewhere other than my mouth.” Jesse said, wiggling his eyebrows. Gabriel just looked at him with a disappointed look on his face.

 

“Jesse.”

 

“Yeah, Gabe?”

 

“Do me a favour and shut the fuck up.” Jesse shrugged at that. Fair enough.

 

Gabriel’s hands roamed down Jesse’s body and worked their way up under his shirt. Jesse pushed Gabriel off him for a moment as he sat up and yanked his t shirt over his head. Gabriel let out a laugh as he positioned himself back on top of Jesse and attached his mouth to one of Jesse’s dusky nipples. Jesse let out a lewd moan and his back arched off of the bed. When Gabriel’s tongue flicked out and began to lick around the nub Jesse let out a low groan. He felt Gabriel chuckle against him as his teeth began to graze the sensitive area.

 

“Jesus Christ, Gabe.” Jesse let out in a breathy moan.

 

After what felt like an eternity of Gabriel’s tongue and teeth playing around with Jesse’s nipple to the point that Jesse knew it was going to be bruised like hell tomorrow, Gabe’s mouth finally pulled away and his head moved further down Jesse’s body. He planted kisses on every inch of Jesse’s torso that he could reach and Jesse squirmed under Gabriel’s feather light touches. The older man’s hands eventually reached Jesse’s pants and began to undo the man’s belt. His movements were agonizingly slow and Jesse desperately bucked into Gabriel’s touch but the man merely chuckled and whispered into his ear.

 

“Patience, darling.” His soft tone made Jesse shiver but he continued to buck uselessly into Gabriel’s hands. Gabriel laughed once more as he finally undid Jesse’s pants and pulled them down gently past his erection.

 

“God, hurry up, Gabe.” Jesse moaned.

 

Gabriel just shushed the man below him but it seemed he decided to take pity on him as he pulled his underwear down along with his pants. Jesse moaned and bucked into the air as he felt his dick spring free. Almost immediately Gabriel wrapped his hand around Jesse’s dick and Jesse practically screamed at the sudden contact. Gabe laughed at Jesse’s helplessness and just gently began to slide his hand up and down Jesse’s shaft. He set up a torturously slow pace which had Jesse pleading for more within mere seconds.

 

“Gabe, come on…” Jesse groaned in annoyance, practically pleading with his boyfriend. Once again, it seemed as though Jesse’s pleads were enough to make Gabriel crack since he immediately leaned down and wrapped his lips around Jesse’s cock. Jesse moaned loudly as he felt the warmth of Gabriel’s mouth enveloped his dick. Gabriel laughed lightly and the motion of his mouth did amazing things to the way his dick felt in his lover’s mouth.

 

Gabriel lifted his mouth off of Jesse’s cock with a wet pop and he looked up at Jesse from underneath his lashes. Jesse was panting lightly as he looked down at Gabriel and he was sure he looked like quite the mess.

 

“God you look so perfect.” Gabriel panted out and Jesse felt heat rise to his cheeks.

 

The older man licked his lips before pushing his mouth back down onto Jesse’s cock. He swirled his tongue around the head of Jesse’s cock and Jesse moaned louder than before, the sensation driving him insane. God Jesse had totally forgotten the magical things that Gabriel was able to do with his tongue.

 

Jesse wasn’t sure how much more of this he was going to be able to take. With the way Gabriel’s tongue was licking stripes down Jesse’s dick every second and swirling around his head every other second, the younger man could feel himself getting close. He reached his arms forwards and gripped Gabriel’s soft curls with his fingers. Gabriel moaned lightly and god did that feel good around his cock. His grip on Gabriel’s head tightened and he pushed the man’s head further onto his dick so that his dick was practically hitting Gabriel’s throat. The older man didn’t complain though and instead moaned in response, looking up at Jesse.

 

“Holy shit, Gabe, you look so fucking good.” Gabriel raised a single eyebrow at that and Jesse began shallowly thrusting into his boyfriend’s open mouth. He set up a quick pace, dick pushing deep into Gabriel’s mouth with every thrust. He felt his orgasm coming closer and closer so he stopped thrusting and allowed Gabriel to bob on his dick at his own pace.

 

“Gabe, fuck, I’m so close.” With that, Gabriel’s bobbing became faster and deeper, nose practically hitting Jesse’s body with every movement. It felt heavenly and Jesse’s breathing became more and more heavy and erratic. This continued for a few moments before Gabriel quickly pulled off of Jesse’s dick, much to Jesse’s annoyance.

 

“Are you going to come or what, Jesse?” Gabriel teased before pushing his mouth back onto Jesse’s dick and once again doing incredible things with his tongue. That was it. With a low groan and his fingers yanking at Gabriel’s curly locks he thrusted forward and felt himself come jerkily into Gabriel’s open mouth. Jesse continued to pant and thrust shallowly through his orgasm and Gabriel laid there and swallowed every last drop that Jesse gave him. Slowly, the older man pulled himself up off of Jesse’s dick and grin widely up at Jesse. With his hair all mussed up, eyes filled with lust and a mixture of saliva and cum on the edges of his mouth he looked absolutely beautiful. Jesse yanked him up for a deep kiss.

 

“Ugh, now we both taste like shit.” Gabriel moaned half-heartedly but accepted the kiss none the less. Gabriel rolled onto his side and laid there, smiling at Jesse.

 

“So, I take it you don’t regret dating me then?” Jesse asked him, raising an eyebrow. Gabriel laughed, a deep bellowing noise that made Jesse’s stomach dance and his smile widen.

 

“No, Jesse. I could never regret that.” He whispered.      


End file.
